Cross your legs when you sneeze

 It's fairly common for those of us that suffer from the effects of Cauda Equina Syndrome to have trouble with urine.  It can be incontinence or retention.  I have incontinence often.  It's not constant and often it's more stress incontinence than anything but it sometimes is urge.  Whatever kind it is, I end up with wet pants.  

I started wearing "period panties" or incontinence panties.  I have come to rely on my Knix underpants for my comfort.  Nearly every day I wear a pair of these underwear.  I feel protected from light leaks from sneezing, or movement or even a cough...now if I have a full bladder and sneeze or cough there is no help for that other than Depends.  

I just wanted to share what has worked for me.  Sometimes if I'm feeling a bit more susceptible then I will add a pad. 

Feel free to use my link to get $20 off and it will help me get $20 off as well.  

Fear of Exercise

I fear exercise.  I'm terrified that I am going to do something to make my back worse.  I'm afraid of twisting or pushing myself.  I don't want to jump or jiggle or twist or do anything strenuous because I do not want to experience the pain I had way back when I had Cauda Equina in the first place.  

This fear keeps me from doing exercise.  Top this with my love of food; my lack of a thyroid; my age and I'm what I call a fat fatty.  

I have never been classified as thin.  I've always been thick, padded...fat.  Sometimes this fact gets me down.  I had a lap band placed back in 2008.  I lost about 40lbs and promptly got pregnant.  The pregnancy wasn't planned but was very much wanted.  After giving birth I gained some weight but I didn't gain up as high as I was.  I never really lost any more weight with the lap band.  I mean, I still could eat, all be it, more slowly.  I was able to stay under my high weight for many years.  This year, this past week, I am over my highest weight and I'm so saddened by it.  

I want to lose weight but I'm afraid of the physical activity.  I know that diet is a massive part and I'm trying to get that handled. I'm trying to find better outlets for myself.  Food is a comfort.  It's for celebration, happiness, or when I've had a bad day.  I'm trying to change that mindset.  I'm also trying to find gentle exercises to move my body while not damaging my back any further.  

COVID and CES

 I contracted COVID in March 2022.  It was supposed to be our kids' Spring Break but instead we each came down with COVID.  

We were all vaccinated and my husband and I were also boosted.  My husband is military and had to be vaccinated and boosted.  I chose to since I have no thyroid, am obese, have had cancer, and suffer from the aftereffects of CES.  

I am generally anxious about contracting any cold or flu due to coughing.  First of all, it was a cough that ruptured the discs in my back.  Second, my bladder won't hold if I cough so I end up wearing adult pull-ups for the duration.  So when my son tested positive and then shortly after I started with a fever and sore throat I was worried.  I tested positive as well.

My suffering was a sore throat, but manageable.  I ran a fever.  I'm weird, I kind of like the feeling of a fever.  I think in my head I'm all like, "go immune system, go.  Kill this disease with the fire of my body".

Most of my symptoms were completely manageable until the nerve pain started.  Most of us with CES describe shocks.  For me, it's like an electrical shock in my foot that runs up my leg and comes in waves similar to how labor pains come.  I believe it's the pain running along the damaged nerve.  When I get these shocks I usually pop ibuprofen and in 30-45 min the pain subsides and I'm good to go.  Well COVID said no to that.  I took my normal ibuprofen, sat in a tub of hot water, and took Tylenol nothing worked.  I suffered excruciating nerve shock pains for 24 hours straight with the pain coming every 20-30 seconds.  I did not sleep.  I cried, I moaned, I cussed, I prayed; it was awful.  Finally it just randomly stopped.  

I had heard that COVID attacks the nervous system which is why some lose their sense of taste and smell.  Well, I'm here to tell you it sure as hell attacked my nervous system.  I hope I never have COVID again.  I spent all that time worrying about having to cough my face off and wear disposable underwear when COVID had planned on torturing me with nerve pain. 

Still Living with this CES

 So it's been a hot minute since I've been active on this blog.  Life happened.  Time passed.  I got caught up in other things but I'm back.  I'm ready to keep on talking about living the rest of my life out with the after-effects of Cauda Equina Syndrome.  

I have also added some other health issues to the mix, cause why not?  Right?  It always seems that we tough folks just need to be tougher and deal with even more stuff.  

I will begin being more regular with the posts over here.  And as always being really good and honest too. 

More sensation? Yes, please.

I  have been noticing more sensation in my numb areas.  They call it saddle anesthesia.  I've been feeling more and more in my inner thighs!  That is amazing.  I don't think I'll ever have all the sensation back, but it's a vast improvement from May 2011 when all of this began.  It just goes to show you that there is never a reason to give up hope.  

While this regained sensation is great, I still have other issues.  I still have issues with incontinence.  I have a combination of reasons for this.  First I have weak pelvic muscles from having three kids and being overweight and on top of that add the weakness from the Cauda Equina and it's not pretty.  I'm usually fine, but on occasion I do still have problems when I stand up and haven't been in a long time.  If I cough or laugh too hard, there is definitely a problem then.  It is however, better than it was in 2011 when I would leak just from walking around normally.  The bladder surgery (lift) was a success, but because I do have the weak muscles, will likely fall again.  We'll see.  

As for bowels, it has been a year since I had any incontinence in that area.  It's the opposite these days.  I don't know if I'll ever get that to normal.  I do seem to be able to notice when I need to go more than I used to.  

I can walk really well now.  I can do the stairs.  I cannot run though.  But that is fine.  I've been extremely lazy and have gained 20 or so pounds since moving here to Sicily, but I'm hoping to get rid of that before we move back stateside.  

I can say that daily I'm reminded that I'm not normal physically, but I am still me.  I am improving and I'm okay.  

Is that new tingling I feel?

The other night after a nice bought of grown-up fun with my hubby, I started getting tingling sensations in my numb areas!  It was similar to that feeling of your hand or foot waking up.  It was bizarre and good at the same time.  It lasted a good ten minutes and I just lay there, relishing in the sensation.  It of course went back to numb again, but that was an amazing feeling.  It has been over two years since I had any feeling in the areas affect, which was my foot and backs of my legs and parts of my groin.  Weird, but I'll take it.

Falling down the Rabbit Hole

I can see a pattern here with this CES mess.  Just when you think, "hey, I'm doing well", CES likes to say, "Well, let's just see about that!" 

I fell walking out of my front door this morning.  I was carrying a couple of small boxes to mail.  They were not heavy nor awkward.  I went to step down and my left ankle turned and down I went.  My left ankle and foot are my gimpy ones.  It hurts.  It didn't swell too much, but it sure did hurt and I took off the first layer of skin on my right knee.  Thankfully it didn't bleed so I just had to put on a band-aid and not change my pants. 

I'm sore tonight.  I've felt off and bad all day.  I hate when CES decides to knock you down a peg and not let you get to comfortable thinking that you just might be okay.