Slowly things were coming along and I was doing okay. I had began to wear pads for the incontinence episodes. They were few and far between, but if I coughed, laughed or sneezed it would be a flood and I would need to change clothes. I leaked urine when I was intimate with my husband.
I had been cleared to move overseas to Italy by the Navy. My surgeon continued to say that I would make a full recovery and wouldn't need any follow-up care.
We took the flight to Italy. As a precaution I wore a Depends on the flight. (I did not want to have an accident on the plane and not be able to get up because of turbulence, etc). It's a good thing I did, because for the first time since right after surgery I had trouble with my bowels. I had soft stools that I couldn't control.
Two days after our arrival to Italy I had extremely loose stools that resulted in me having to leave a briefing early. I soiled myself. I felt awful! I don't think anyone saw or if they did, they did not say anything. I went back to the TLA we were staying at and slept most of the day. I think it was a stomach bug or something because I felt better after that. A day or two after that incident, I got my period. What a mess that was! My periods have become increasingly heavy and painful. I've noticed that my cervix and uterus have fallen to the point that they are almost out of my body. My cervix hangs out at the opening of my vagina.
Several weeks now after arriving here in Italy I wear pads all the time and change them out often. On occasion I have a day where it's not a problem, but then other days it is a problem. I went to the open house at my son's middle school. There are several flights of stairs. Physically I was able to walk up and down them, but I leaked so much urine that it leaked through my clothes and I had to leave early. It's frustrating to have such an embarrassing problem. Only people that know about this problem are my immediate family members.
This week my cervix has dropped even more and it is very uncomfortable. I've finally made an appointment with the doctor. I go next Thursday. I'm nervous about addressing these problems with a new doctor. I'm afraid that I will be sent away. I'm afraid of being yelled at. I'm afraid of what they will tell me. I'm afraid that they will say that there is nothing that can be done and I have to live this way for the next 30 plus years.
I'm just flat out afraid.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Surgery
The surgery to remove the ruptured disk went well. I went in around 7:30PM and I think I was out around 10 or so. I was very hazy of course, but remember coming to when they were calling my name and I had three thoughts flash through my mind. First I recalled that my mama was dead, then my husband is deployed and finally that my Papaw was somewhere waiting for me. The surgeon had went and spoke to my Papaw but I can't remember if he came to talk to me.
The next morning the surgeon did come in. He explained that I had a massive rupture that he removed. He stated that he had never seen one as large as the one I had. He also did a laminectomy (removed part of the bone in the spine). He told me again that in time I would make a full recovery. I believed him. Again, he never mentioned Cauda Equina Syndrome.
I had been feeling the need to urinate, but had a catheter in (and I could feel it) which was a vast improvement. They removed the cath and I was able to go to the bathroom. I still did not have the urge to have a bowel movement, but did feel the need to urinate and was able to do so. I was so happy. I was also able to walk. I did not have any pain. I stayed in the hospital for that whole next day and night and then was able to go home. I was given a prescription for physical therapy for my leg and told to wait a week or two to get started on that. I would just need one follow-up appointment with the surgeon in 6 weeks and all would be well. And I believed him.
After being home a few days and realizing that I still was extremely numb down my leg, on my buttocks and my vagina I became concerned. I started doing some research on my symptoms and that was when I realized that I had suffered from Cauda Equina Syndrome. What the heck is that? Here is the website I went to. I was devastated. I read the stories on the website and realized that what I had suffered was really serious and long lasting. It's not something that you "just recover" from. I was an emotional mess. I had only been out of surgery for a week or so and I was distraught.
I was 33 years old and my husband was deployed. All I could think of was the fact that he left me here as a fairly healthy wife and will be returning to a limping, numb wife with a leaky bladder and bowels that don't work quite right. How was he going to want to stay with me? How was I going to deal with all these problems? What about sex? If I can't feel it, will he still want me? Will it hurt? Will it feel weird to him? I was going through all the symptoms of grieving and accepting a diagnosis.
My bladder was working well for quite a while I thought. My bowels took a while to get going again. I couldn't feel the need to have a movement and it would just happen when I was using the bathroom. By my 6 week follow-up I was getting a signal from my body that I needed to have a bowel movement. It wasn't the normal feeling one gets, it's more like a sort of burning sensation and the overwhelming urge to push, but it was something. I had started having episodes of stress urinary incontinence though. It was much more serious than it had ever been in the past. I would have a problem when I would stand up from having been in bed. The surgeon wasn't concerned. He again was completely convinced that I would have a full recovery, that there was no need to worry about moving to Italy and that all will be well by one year out. This time, I didn't believe him.
The next morning the surgeon did come in. He explained that I had a massive rupture that he removed. He stated that he had never seen one as large as the one I had. He also did a laminectomy (removed part of the bone in the spine). He told me again that in time I would make a full recovery. I believed him. Again, he never mentioned Cauda Equina Syndrome.
I had been feeling the need to urinate, but had a catheter in (and I could feel it) which was a vast improvement. They removed the cath and I was able to go to the bathroom. I still did not have the urge to have a bowel movement, but did feel the need to urinate and was able to do so. I was so happy. I was also able to walk. I did not have any pain. I stayed in the hospital for that whole next day and night and then was able to go home. I was given a prescription for physical therapy for my leg and told to wait a week or two to get started on that. I would just need one follow-up appointment with the surgeon in 6 weeks and all would be well. And I believed him.
After being home a few days and realizing that I still was extremely numb down my leg, on my buttocks and my vagina I became concerned. I started doing some research on my symptoms and that was when I realized that I had suffered from Cauda Equina Syndrome. What the heck is that? Here is the website I went to. I was devastated. I read the stories on the website and realized that what I had suffered was really serious and long lasting. It's not something that you "just recover" from. I was an emotional mess. I had only been out of surgery for a week or so and I was distraught.
I was 33 years old and my husband was deployed. All I could think of was the fact that he left me here as a fairly healthy wife and will be returning to a limping, numb wife with a leaky bladder and bowels that don't work quite right. How was he going to want to stay with me? How was I going to deal with all these problems? What about sex? If I can't feel it, will he still want me? Will it hurt? Will it feel weird to him? I was going through all the symptoms of grieving and accepting a diagnosis.
My bladder was working well for quite a while I thought. My bowels took a while to get going again. I couldn't feel the need to have a movement and it would just happen when I was using the bathroom. By my 6 week follow-up I was getting a signal from my body that I needed to have a bowel movement. It wasn't the normal feeling one gets, it's more like a sort of burning sensation and the overwhelming urge to push, but it was something. I had started having episodes of stress urinary incontinence though. It was much more serious than it had ever been in the past. I would have a problem when I would stand up from having been in bed. The surgeon wasn't concerned. He again was completely convinced that I would have a full recovery, that there was no need to worry about moving to Italy and that all will be well by one year out. This time, I didn't believe him.
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