Fear of Exercise

I fear exercise.  I'm terrified that I am going to do something to make my back worse.  I'm afraid of twisting or pushing myself.  I don't want to jump or jiggle or twist or do anything strenuous because I do not want to experience the pain I had way back when I had Cauda Equina in the first place.  

This fear keeps me from doing exercise.  Top this with my love of food; my lack of a thyroid; my age and I'm what I call a fat fatty.  

I have never been classified as thin.  I've always been thick, padded...fat.  Sometimes this fact gets me down.  I had a lap band placed back in 2008.  I lost about 40lbs and promptly got pregnant.  The pregnancy wasn't planned but was very much wanted.  After giving birth I gained some weight but I didn't gain up as high as I was.  I never really lost any more weight with the lap band.  I mean, I still could eat, all be it, more slowly.  I was able to stay under my high weight for many years.  This year, this past week, I am over my highest weight and I'm so saddened by it.  

I want to lose weight but I'm afraid of the physical activity.  I know that diet is a massive part and I'm trying to get that handled. I'm trying to find better outlets for myself.  Food is a comfort.  It's for celebration, happiness, or when I've had a bad day.  I'm trying to change that mindset.  I'm also trying to find gentle exercises to move my body while not damaging my back any further.  

COVID and CES

 I contracted COVID in March 2022.  It was supposed to be our kids' Spring Break but instead we each came down with COVID.  

We were all vaccinated and my husband and I were also boosted.  My husband is military and had to be vaccinated and boosted.  I chose to since I have no thyroid, am obese, have had cancer, and suffer from the aftereffects of CES.  

I am generally anxious about contracting any cold or flu due to coughing.  First of all, it was a cough that ruptured the discs in my back.  Second, my bladder won't hold if I cough so I end up wearing adult pull-ups for the duration.  So when my son tested positive and then shortly after I started with a fever and sore throat I was worried.  I tested positive as well.

My suffering was a sore throat, but manageable.  I ran a fever.  I'm weird, I kind of like the feeling of a fever.  I think in my head I'm all like, "go immune system, go.  Kill this disease with the fire of my body".

Most of my symptoms were completely manageable until the nerve pain started.  Most of us with CES describe shocks.  For me, it's like an electrical shock in my foot that runs up my leg and comes in waves similar to how labor pains come.  I believe it's the pain running along the damaged nerve.  When I get these shocks I usually pop ibuprofen and in 30-45 min the pain subsides and I'm good to go.  Well COVID said no to that.  I took my normal ibuprofen, sat in a tub of hot water, and took Tylenol nothing worked.  I suffered excruciating nerve shock pains for 24 hours straight with the pain coming every 20-30 seconds.  I did not sleep.  I cried, I moaned, I cussed, I prayed; it was awful.  Finally it just randomly stopped.  

I had heard that COVID attacks the nervous system which is why some lose their sense of taste and smell.  Well, I'm here to tell you it sure as hell attacked my nervous system.  I hope I never have COVID again.  I spent all that time worrying about having to cough my face off and wear disposable underwear when COVID had planned on torturing me with nerve pain. 

Still Living with this CES

 So it's been a hot minute since I've been active on this blog.  Life happened.  Time passed.  I got caught up in other things but I'm back.  I'm ready to keep on talking about living the rest of my life out with the after-effects of Cauda Equina Syndrome.  

I have also added some other health issues to the mix, cause why not?  Right?  It always seems that we tough folks just need to be tougher and deal with even more stuff.  

I will begin being more regular with the posts over here.  And as always being really good and honest too.