Prolapse

I saw the gynecologist and she checked me out.  I definately have a prolapsed uterus as well as bladder (cystocele)  and bowel (rectocele).  It looks like I'm going to have surgery in January.  I'm going to have a hysterectomy as well as repairs to the front and back of the vaginal wall.  She will also place a sling type material (Tension-free vaginal tape) to fix the bladder neck and hopefully help with the urinary incontince I've been having.

I'm about to get real here.  I'm going to tell it like it really is for me.  I'm not sure if anyone reads this or ever will, but I'm about to tell you things that most probably fall into the TMI category.  I'm warning you now.  If you don't want to know intimate details about me and my physical problems, you'd better click on out of here while the clicking is good.

Today has been a yucky day for this stuff.  I'm having what I hope to be my last period ever.  Since this prolapse business started my periods are awful; painful and heavy.  I feel miserable.  I can feel my cervix at the entrance of my vagina.  It's uncomfortable and it has a burning sensation.  Standing and walking are miserable.  I just want to sit down since it takes the pressure off of everything.

I keep thinking that I should be more upset about having a hysterectomy, but I'm looking forward to not being uncomfortable all the time.  As a couple we had decided to not have any more children.  We have a complete family with our three so the idea of not having my womb any longer doesn't bother me. I get to keep my ovaries (unless she discovers something while in there) which will allow me to keep producing my own hormones; that is a plus.  I won't have periods anymore, but will still go through menopause at a regular age (though research has shown that women with hysterectomies tend to go through menopause a couple of years early).  I think and feel like it's the right choice for me. If I don't feel like everything is falling out, I can concentrate more on strengthening my left leg, ankle and foot.

When I say I'm numb, it's not dead like I'm paralyzed, but more that I can't feel light sensations.  If you take your fingers and lightly brush your skin with your fingernails, you can feel that.  In the parts of me that are "numb" I can't feel that.  If you push harder though and put pressure on there, then I can feel that.  I have the non-sensation down the middle of each butt cheek and down the backs of both thighs.  My right lower leg and foot are almost completely normal.  My left lower leg is almost overly sensitive.  I can feel light touching but it's exaggerated in a way.  My left foot feels very much like when your foot has been asleep and then it is trying to wake up.  It's not tingly, but feels full or swollen (though it is not).  The left side of my left foot feels so off that I sometimes loose balance because I can't feel the side of that foot correctly.  I cannot wear heals anymore.  I have a hard time walking barefoot as well.  I have to wear my tennis shoes all the time.  I ordered some low heeled boots, I hope that I can wear them.

I don't always feel the need to have a bowel movement and that has resulted in poop in my underpants.  I'm so embarrassed to talk about this.  I mean seriously, who wants to say that they have poop issues?  Most of the time I can tell when I need to go, but sometimes it just happens and I don't feel it.  (numbness again).  I also can't control my flatulence either.  I'll pass gas.  I can feel it in my intestine but cannot control the muscles in my bowel that holds it in.  I'm still hopeful that in the next five to six months the sensation will return and I can build muscle strength and control up again. I still have a year and five months to hold onto hope.  They said that it can take up to two years for the nerves to do their thing.  After two years is when I have to say, "This is it.  This is all I get from now on."

As far as sexual dysfunction, I'm embarrassed and sorry to say that it's there.  I thankfully have sensation in the front half of my vagina area to include my clitoris.  The back half is still numb.

 The problem I have is the urinary incontinence.  Even though my husband is supportive and has said it doesn't matter, it matters to me.  I'm very much a sexual person, but a lot of my satisfaction comes from being able to clear my mind and be in the moment.  I can't do that if I'm afraid I'm going to leak urine everywhere.  Even when I've prepared for the event with towels and absorbent pads underneath, I still can't get there.  I'm hoping that with the bladder surgery that I can finally be semi-normal again.  Now don't read into what I've just said that we don't have sex, because we do; albeit way, way less than our normal.  Also don't think I don't enjoy other sexual activities that don't involve intercourse.  I have an awesome and understanding husband.  I also take care of his needs and desires.  We're muddling through this situation with love and mutual respect and understanding.